Your 2009 Leprechauns

These 6 gutsy kids from the mean streets of Baltimore took on the undefeated team from St. Ursula. We were under-manned by 2, but these underdogs didn't know the meaning of the word quit today. They put up a fierce fight with no substitutions against 14 kids on an unbeaten squad and came up just a bit shy of victory today... I was very proud to be their coach today.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream about Bras and Boobs

I slept. I slept long. I slept well. I even dreamed a little bit. 7:20 I woke up. Not 2 or 3 or 4am. 7! Maybe my mind feels at ease for the first time since July or maybe it was the 2 shots of Marcaine into my back yesterday morning. Seriously, how can anything with the suffix -caine be bad for you?

This is what this miracle in a syringe looks like chemically speaking:

I want a doctor to take your picture so I can look at you from inside as well

this morning's x-rays still show a slight left to right fade which is perfect for a golf ball trajectory, but sucks if it's your spinal column. scheduled an mri for tomorrow morning to see if there's a break...

Vast - Touched

6!

I like icebergs

I also like anthropomorphic glaciers

Depression's Evolutionary Roots

In Scientific American, Paul W. Andrews and J. Anderson Thomson, Jr. sum up a paper they've recently published in Psychological Review that argues for depression as a pro-survival adaptation that allows for a kind of intense, isolated problem-solving introspection that, when combined with analytical techniques similar to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, resolves complex troubles:

Analysis requires a lot of uninterrupted thought, and depression coordinates many changes in the body to help people analyze their problems without getting distracted. In a region of the brain known as the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (VLPFC), neurons must fire continuously for people to avoid being distracted. But this is very energetically demanding for VLPFC neurons, just as a car's engine eats up fuel when going up a mountain road. Moreover, continuous firing can cause neurons to break down, just as the car's engine is more likely to break down when stressed. Studies of depression in rats show that the 5HT1A receptor is involved in supplying neurons with the fuel they need to fire, as well as preventing them from breaking down. These important processes allow depressive rumination to continue uninterrupted with minimal neuronal damage, which may explain why the 5HT1A receptor is so evolutionarily important.

Many other symptoms of depression make sense in light of the idea that analysis must be uninterrupted. The desire for social isolation, for instance, helps the depressed person avoid situations that would require thinking about other things. Similarly, the inability to derive pleasure from sex or other activities prevents the depressed person from engaging in activities that could distract him or her from the problem. Even the loss of appetite often seen in depression could be viewed as promoting analysis because chewing and other oral activity interferes with the brain's ability to process information.

But is there any evidence that depression is useful in analyzing complex problems? For one thing, if depressive rumination were harmful, as most clinicians and researchers assume, then bouts of depression should be slower to resolve when people are given interventions that encourage rumination, such as having them write about their strongest thoughts and feelings. However, the opposite appears to be true. Several studies have found that expressive writing promotes quicker resolution of depression, and they suggest that this is because depressed people gain insight into their problems.

Depression's Evolutionary Roots (via Neatorama)

Ridiculously Blessed

Some days are better than others. Today would be classified as one of the others. As I type this, I am wedged on the steps to the upstairs typing on my work computer. The house I'm renting was broken into tonight. The 130th reported burglary in the past 28 days my responding officer informs me. He kind of looks like Paul Blart Mall Cop which I find comforting in a weird way. I don't really want to go into the living room for fear of realizing that some other little personal item is missing. My bedroom has been ransacked as well so I don't feel safe up there yet with all the closet doors open and my clothes strewn all across the floor. The crime lab is dusting for prints while I toss back another Blue Moon and try to sum up my feelings about the past 8 or 9 weeks. Today I feel like this has to be it. This has to be the last bad thing that happens. In the grand scheme of things this is easier to deal with than the car accident or the separation, but when the hits just keep coming back to back like this... I don't know - it just plain sucks, ya know?
So as I'm recounting these events to you either over the phone to my friends who called or IM'd/emailed or commented on facebook, I have come to the realization that this would be a thousand million times worse if I had to deal with it alone. For those who called and didn't what to say - just saying hello and that you didn't know what to say made me feel cared for. You made me feel less alone in a time when I was, but didn't want to be alone.
My friend Jacob described a story he heard about a couple where the husband had suffered a stroke and was paralyzed and when the wife was asked how she felt, she responded, "ridiculously blessed." In the face of that, she realized she still had him alive and responding and that was enough. His story had a religious slant to it and while 7 years of Catholic school literally beat the religion out of me, I probably wouldn't use the word blessed to described how I was doing these days. I would use "fortunate" or "lucky" instead. Despite the fact that I've lost "stuff" - it all can be replaced over time. But to have such kick ass friends and family like you is something rare, I think. You've really gotten me through some dark moments as of late - really sustained me when I haven't much felt much like continuing on. I hope I have been as good a friend to you in the past and if I haven't, you can be sure that I'll be making the call or sending a note like you have for me when I've needed it. And in the end, that's what it's all about - those connections and bonds you make with people through life. For that I say, Thank You. From the bottom of my heart. Thanks for being there when I've needed you most.

On Friends and Family

So I've been going through something lately. Everybody goes through something sometime, but this one's been a little hard to handle. That is where you have come into my life. My co-workers, facebookers and blog lurkers, my close friends, my Mother, Father and Mother-In-Law and especially my sister. I don't know exactly when she transformed from the mouthy teen who fought with our brother over sweatshirts and hair care products to the woman who today is a mother and wife and an inspiration. She gave me what I needed to hear. Through talk and sniffles and tears she helped me find my inner voice, to see who I am and where I need to be. She's in the Coast Guard and now is on a large ship helping to protect and serve and making a sacrifice for us of her time away from her husband and two little boys. She has had to pull bodies out of the bay and today she helped rescue me a bit - I have been splashing about in the murky water of indecision and emotional turmoil. With a few minutes on the phone, she reached through the line and pulled me up and out of whatever I've been hiding under. An amazing woman she's turned into and I'm proud to be her brother. No matter how things turn out... Thanks, Kris. For everything. I love you very much.

pain pain go away come back another day

i wake up nauseated and hope the pain is not as bad as yesterday. i turn off the alarm which missed another opportunity to wake me and pull a pillow in tight and rock gently. waiting for it to get better.